his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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