I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They took my balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
