sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
