I heard we made out
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
