don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
