so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
