I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
