I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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