Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you traded sex for a burrito?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize