I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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