Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
