Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
