The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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