Small penises have feelings too.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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