i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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