My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
