Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
