The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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