Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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