so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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