Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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