I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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