Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
