Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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