I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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