i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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