Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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