its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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