: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
