Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
