I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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