Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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