You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
