Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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