Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
