You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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