We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
