dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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