come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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