When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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