Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
