you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
