why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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