like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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