but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
