I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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