You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
