i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
