Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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