I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
