after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
