so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
