he told me I talked like a deaf person
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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