I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
