Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
