meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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