I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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