just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
