I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
