Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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