After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
