I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
