He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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