Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
