I feel great
I just peed on a car
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
