he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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