you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
