Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
