Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
