it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
