bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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