You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
