If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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