Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
