I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A bitchslap is in order.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
