Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
