You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
