Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
